One Of My Great Mistakes...

This week is always a test of emotion for me as I approach the day I lost my Dad to a brain tumor.  I think of him everyday regardless but instead of feeling sorry for myself that he's not here to be with me, enjoy the relationship he had with my husband or meet and play with his granddaughters...I'm trying to focus on the memories of my Daddy.

One of my favorite things to think about is sailing with him.  When I was in high school, we used to take a couple trips to San Diego every Summer.  My mom and dad would rent a Catalina at the marina and we would stay on the boat the whole vacation.  We would sail in the morning, sight see during the day, go out to dinner and then snack on cheese and crackers while sailing into the sunset.  It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and not just visually.  I look back now on those times and remember feeling so peaceful and so full of love.  If there were any differences going on between me, my dad, my mom or my sister....it all melted and we would just enjoy eachother.  We were closer to God and closer to eachother.

During my dreaded teen years...I was troubled to put it mildly.  I made a lot of bad choices and hurt pretty much everyone around me...especially my father.  When I was seventeen, I decided to test my parents love by running away.  I pawned all my heirloom jewelry, I packed my bags, I wrote a check from my mothers account for $3000, signed her name, cashed it and bought a plane ticket to Florida.  I had a friend who had family there and we thought that it was brilliant to just get up and leave.  I hurt my mother, I hurt my father and I left my little brother and big sisters with no explanation.  I was just there one Thursday morning before school and after, I vanished without a trace.  Through prayer, patience and some brilliant detective work...it was my mother who had found a tiny piece of paper with my flight arrangements written on it.  My father then got on the next flight to Florida to find me and bring me home.

After running from police, sleeping on the street and just being scared to death...I ended up back at the house of my friends family in Orlando.  On this day it was Easter Sunday.  This family brought me to church with them and when we walked back up the driveway after mass....I saw my father sitting in a car on the side of the street.  I flipped out, ran inside and hid in a closet.  The woman of the house invited my dad in and came to get me.  She told me that I had to talk to my dad and this had to be mended.  She was a very wise woman!  I left the closet and walked down the hallway that seemed to go on for a mile.  At the end my dad was sitting on the edge of the couch just looking at me.  His face showed no emotion.  His eyes were the most blue I'd ever seen them.  I stood in the family room looking back at him as he slowly stood from the couch.  He walked over to me, stopped and fell to his knees.  He hugged my waist while drenching my shirt in his tears.  He asked me why?  Why did I run?  What about our family made me feel like I had to run away?  Are we lacking communication to where that was my only choice?  Did I not trust my family with my problems?
The questions kept coming as he cried harder and my only answer was, "I don't know but, I want to be taken back home".  So that's what my dad did.  He thanked the family for everything they did for me and he walked me out of the house practically in his arms...he didn't let go of me till we had to get in the car.  We flew home to be greeted at the gate by my mom, my sister, my brother and my grandma.  They all just showered me with hugs when I got off the plane.

Now, of course there was a lot of counseling and talking about why I felt the need to do this but I never realized until I was an adult that I was testing the love of my family.  I didn't trust them when they said "unconditional love".  Eventhough it destroyed them doing what I did...they loved me!  They did everything to get me back!  They sacrificed!  That's love!  That's family!  That's unconditional love!

I thank God for my family everyday.
Love your family!  Tell them everyday that you need them and NEVER give up on them.

Have a great night and as usual...Mucho Love, Paiger